


When you say nothing at all

by orphan_account



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 16:22:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/788052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kame had almost thought that Jin had forgotten all about their aniversary.<em> Almost.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	When you say nothing at all

**Author's Note:**

> Insert Song: When you say nothing at all – Ronan Keating, Linkin Park – Breaking the Habit
> 
> That one has been written months ago, actually, but I kind of forgot about it between bachelor essays and exams ^^’ Gomen ne! The idea came to me after finishing the drama “Boku dake no Madonna” and watching the movie “Notting Hill” the same night ^^ Beware: Fluff overload! Anyways, hope you like it! __  
> 

Kame’s POV

I hummed contently to myself as I looked out for a free parking space in front of the apartment complex my flat was located in. Or better, Jin and my flat was located in, because seriously, the guy already lived here, too. Not that I complained. I smiled to myself as I parked the car, well aware that I was acting silly with my obvious excitement, but for once, I figured that I was allowed to.

It was our 9th anniversary, after all. 9 years since I met Jin, and let this idiot mess up my life day by day. I had asked Jin if he was free to spend the night with me, keen on having some time alone with him. Usually, I was not such a corny guy, but Jin and I had been awfully busy lately, what with his new drama and my usual obligations, and so it was hard to find a little time for just the two of us. So I thought it would be nice, once in a while, for a special occasion.

Just as I cut the engine, though, my phone rang, alerting me of a phone call. I expected it to be my manager, and was already contemplating to ignore it and turn my phone off for the rest of the day, to give us some peace, when I saw Jin’s name on the caller ID. I frowned as I took the call.

“Moshimoshi?”

“ _Hey Kazu_ ”Jin said, sounding a little breathless. _“I’m sorry, but can we call today off? The director wants to keep me in a little longer.”_

My heart sank .

“Oh” I just said, fumbling for words.

“ _Yeah, sorry_ ” Jin sighed. “ _I will make up for it some other time, okay?_ ”

I frowned at his words, realization dawning onto me. Obviously, Jin had had no idea as to why I had proposed to spend the night together in the first place. Meaning he had no idea what day it was today.

“ _Kazu?_ ” Jin called. “ _Still there?_ ”

“Um, yeah” I nodded, though he could not see. I tried hard to pull myself together. After all, it was work, this was more important than my stupid cheesy ideas. “It’s okay. I’ll see you after work.”

“ _Don’t stay up for me, I might be late_ ” he warned.

“Sure” I sighed, fighting against the disappointment that was flooding through me, knowing that it was silly. “Bye, then.”

“ _See you”_ Jin replied before hanging up. I listened to the beeping sound of the line being cut for a while before finally hanging up, too.

My good mood was gone when I got out of the car, making my way up to the apartment. I had really looked forward to this night with Jin. I mean, I had especially taken the day off, and everyone who knew me knew that this meant something.

A small sigh escaped my lips as I fumbled for the keys, opening the door and slipping inside the flat. I removed my shoes and slipped out of my jacket before going for the kitchen, opening the fridge to fetch myself a beer. I glared a little at the food inside – I had planned to cook for us, so I had gone shopping last night. Looks like I did not need it now. I was not in the mood to cook just for myself.

I just considered ordering in, when I turned around again, letting the door of the fridge fall closed just as something caught my eyes. I blinked, picking up a letter that had been placed on the kitchen desk.

I blinked as I stared at Jin’s messy handwriting on the envelope.

_Did you really think I had forgotten?_

I needed a moment, before the words sank in.

**It’s amazing how you  
can speak right to my heart**

“What the-?!” I murmured to myself, biting my lip as a small smile spread across my face. I tore open the envelope, a small letter falling into my hand. I scolded myself for feeling giddy as I started to read.

 _Dear Kazuya,_  
So, it’s been 9 years since you entered my life. It feels like I already can’t remember my life before I met you anymore.  
Sometimes, on my bad days, when the stress all becomes too much, I wonder if it really was the right decision, to go to that casting back in 1998. But then again, I met you there, and that makes up for everything else.  
Do you still remember how we met there? Because I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. You, with your overgrown eyebrows, –

“Shut up!” I murmured to myself, chuckling.

_\- looking like you did not even know what you were doing there, and me, just sitting next to you and bombarding you with questions about how the casting will go, what they will expect and such. I must have annoyed you to death, right?  
I know I made a lot of wrong choices in my life, but there, that day, sitting down next to you, was the smartest thing I’ve ever done._

I smiled to myself, remembering the day. To be honest, I had not even wanted to go to that casting when my uncle had proposed it. What did I care about the entertainment industry?! All I had wanted to do was play baseball!

I still remembered exactly, how Jin had sat down next to me, looking positively green in the face. From one look at him, I could tell that he had not been dragged here by his relatives – he was here because he wanted to be, because it was his dream. Jin had always been one to follow after what he wanted, no matter what others thought about it. That had never changed. And as always, the more important something was to him, the more nervous he got. It had been the same that day.

“What do you think they want us to do?!” Jin had suddenly blurted out, looking up at me timidly.

I had blinked at him, taken aback.

“I don’t know” I had answered. “It’s my first time here, too.”

“I’m so scared!” Jin had whined, running a hand through his hair, messing up the neat styling. “I mean, I really like singing, but I kind of suck at acting. I mean, my Mum always knows right away when I’m lying! What if I don’t make it because of that?! I-“

I had just sat next to him, listening to him in bemusement as he had talked on and on, apparently not needing my input, just needing someone who listened. I had found him plain weird.

It wasn’t until my name was called and I got up, that Jin had stopped talking, looking up at me with big eyes.

“It’s your turn?” he had asked in a small voice.

“I guess” I had nodded.

“Good luck!” he had said, smiling a little and waving at me. “I’m keeping my fingers crossed, Ka-“

“Kamenashi” I had helped him along.

“Alright, Kamenashi, do your best!” Jin had called after me, and everyone had been looking at us, making me feel embarrassed. He really was a weird guy, I had thought.

But when later, after the casting, Jin had run after me with a huge smile on his face, I had thought that maybe, I could come to like that weird kid.

**Without saying a word  
you can light up the dark**

_Are you ready, Kazu, for a little journey down the memory lane?_ , I read on, raising my eyebrows in confusion. _If yes, the next clue lies in that park, where we always met up when we had sneaked out of our houses at night without our parents knowing. You know where._

I blinked, turning the paper around to see if anything more was written on its back, just in case, but there was nothing.

“That’s in Chiba, idiot” I murmured to myself, stunned. “You don’t really want me to drive to Chiba now?!”

Of course, the empty apartment gave me no answer, but I did not need one, anyways. This was Jin, after all. Jin _would_ get crazy ideas like these.

**Try as I may  
I could never explain**

I thought about it for another moment, before putting the beer back into the fridge. “Oh well” I sighed, a little smile on my lips as I went for my shoes, jacket and car keys again. I had nothing better to do, anyways.

***

It took me an hour and a half to get to Chiba, and when I got into a traffic jam, I almost cursed Jin for making me do this, but when I parked the car on the side of the street, glancing into the little familiar park area that held so many childhood memories, I figured I did not mind so much.

I got out, shivering a little as the cold November wind hit me, but I just fastened my jacket before stepping onto the grass.

It did not take me too long to find the little playground at which Jin and I had often hung out when we were younger. This park had been almost exactly the same distance from his parents’ home than from mine, and by night, it was deserted, making it the perfect hide out for two teenage boys. If our parents knew how much time we had passed here, they would probably have us grounded belatedly, no matter if we were already past 20 or not.

**What I hear  
When you don’t say a thing**

I let myself be swayed by nostalgia for a moment, before my eyes found a little bucket and a scoop at the side of the sand box. I stared at it, suspicions running through me.

“No, Jin” I groaned. “You did not-?!”

He had. It took me about 15 minutes until I had managed to find the little box with the next letter buried in the sand box. I was glad that it was winter and already getting dark, so no children were playing here anymore. It would have looked weird, for an idol to chase little kids off the playground to dig around senselessly himself.

I was not so glad anymore , when all the letter said was: _Climb the tree._

I stared at it, trying hard to breathe evenly. I looked up slowly, catching one of the trees we had often sat under. It was easy, to spot the letter hanging up the branches.

“You have to be fucking kidding me!” I groaned. My designer jeans were already dirty from the sand. He did not really expect me to climb up there?!

Of course he did. It was Jin, after all. I could literally see his amused smile as he had plotted this.

I did climb the tree in the end, only to find that all the letter said was actually: _No, the other tree._ I was so close to just giving up and driving to the Yukan Club set to hit Jin in the head, but my curiosity got the best of me, so I actually did climb the other tree, too, to find the real letter.

 _Well done!,_ it read in the beginning. I scoffed as I read on.

 _I hope this place is as nostalgic for you as it is for me. We really spend a lot of nights here, didn’t we? It took only a short call, and you would be here in 10 minutes’ time, no matter how late the hour or how early you needed to be at school the next day._  
You were always there when I needed you.  
Do you remember the night after I had told my parents that I would drop out of school?

I did remember. Jin’s voice over the phone, and how it seemed to crack a little, alarming me. The way I had sprinted over here, only to find Jin sitting on the ground under this very tree, curled into a little ball, hugging his knees close.

“What is wrong, Jin?” I had asked softly after I had approached him, kneeling down in front of him.

Jin had looked up at me, his eyes all vulnerable, before he had told me what had happened. How he had told his parents that he would not finish high school, and instead concentrate on his career. How his father had screamed at him, calling him naïve because nobody could ever guarantee that he would actually debut one day. That he was too lazy anyways, to really work for something, and was only using JE as an excuse to not have to go to school any longer.

When he had started crying, I had hugged him close, stroking over his back soothingly, telling him that it would be alright. That he had talent, and would definitely debut. That I would see to it, that we would debut together. To just leave it to me.

Jin had chuckled at that, breaking away from my embrace, smiling up at me slightly.

“Please take care of me, then” he had said, his voice still thick from the tears. “I don’t think I can face my father ever again if I don’t.”

I had smiled back at him, teasing him a little more, just to see him laugh again.

**The smile on your face  
lets me know that you need me**

_It was that night that I noticed that I had fallen in love with you,_ the letter continued. _I needed you that night, and you were there for me, like you always are. I had never really realized it until that day, but then, I decided that I never wanted to let you go again, Kazuya._

I felt my throat tighten a little at the words.

“Corny idiot” I murmured, but I could not help the little smile on my face.

_The next clue is where we had our first kiss._

That was the last line on the letter. I blinked, confused.

“That’s the garage of your parents, idiot!” I said, alarmed. “You don’t really expect me to break in there, right?!”

***

Apparently, he did. I was not sure if it was Jin’s doing, or if it was a coincidence, but the back door to the Akanishis’ garage was open. I just had to slip into the garden in an unobserved moment and enter. I felt like some weird mix between a criminal and a 5-year-old boy plotting a getaway past curfew.

Praying that Jin’s parents did not suddenly decide to rummage through all the old things they had stuffed here, I carefully stepped through the boxes of toys Reio and Jin had left behind, looking around desperately.

I found the letter pinned to the back of the old music station that had also been used when Jin had thrown his 18th birthday party in here. This garage was not really built to fit a lot of people inside, but Jin had not seemed to care about that, inviting so many people that it had been hard to set one foot in front of the other in here.

At some point, I had stolen out of the garage to take a breath of air. When I had come back, Jin had suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me down, behind the security of the music station’s boxes.

“Hi” Jin had said lamely, and I had frowned at him, laughing.

“Hey” I had chuckled. “Is there a reason why you’re pulling me behind a music station? Do you want to do in my hearing?”

“No” Jin had said nervously, fumbling a little before finally bringing out: “Thank you for your present.”

“It’s no big deal” I had smiled, and it really hadn’t been. It had just been a Linkin Park CD. Jin had mentioned that he had come to like them, and I thought he would appreciate it.

“It is” Jin had said finally, the skin of his cheeks becoming a little darker, but you could hardly tell, in the shadows of the boxes. “It means you listen to me.”

“Of course I do” I had scoffed, laughing. “You think I tune you out the entire time I’m with you?!”

“Most people do” Jin had pointed out, making me laugh even more.

“Well, then maybe, I should start with it, too” I had snickered, moving to get up, but Jin still had had his hand on my wrist. He had pulled at it, catching me of guard, and I had fallen forwards.

**There’s a truth in your eyes  
Saying you’ll never leave me**

Before I had known what was happening, Jin had caught me, his arms around me, and his lips pressed against mine.

I had needed a moment, to realize what was going on, but then Jin’s lips had gone from rigid to moving softly against mine, and I had gone along with the feeling and closed my eyes, letting it happen.

The loud music around us had died down to a little lull in the background, and someone in the crowd had called for Jin, but we had hardly heard it as we had kissed behind the boxes.

I opened the letter, already smiling before I had even started reading.

 _Dear Kazu,_  
I remember that I’ve never been as nervous as on that night. Not on the day of the casting. Not before our first performance. Not before our debut. Never.  
I was so scared that you would reject me, and that I would lose my best friend, but on that night, I just knew I had to do something _. I just could not longer have held it inside._  
And kissing someone had never felt as good as kissing you, hidden behind this music station on that night. Though it became even better after the others had gone home, and you stayed over, and we kissed pressed up in my bed, still all shy and giddy.  
I still treasure those memories dearly. And this is where the next lead takes us.

I stared at the last sentence, needing a moment before I realized what he meant.

“HA?!” I said out loud, shocked.

***

Apparently, Jin had let his mother in on his little plan, because she seemed to expect me, when she opened the door. She did not ask any questions, just smiling brightly as she let me in, and I murmured an embarrassed apology, which she just ignored.

“You know where Jin’s room is” she said with a smirk, and I had nodded, feeling entirely stupid as I made my way up the stairs to Jin’s old bedroom. I swore he would have to pay for this.

I felt like I was thrown back into my teens, when I entered the room. Nothing had changed since Jin had moved out of here – not the posters of American artist on the wall, neither the piles of One Piece Mangas, nor the creative chaos that reigned here. I had to chuckle as I let the door fall closed behind me, taking in the atmosphere of the room where, admittedly, I had also spent a ridiculously huge part of my youth in. It almost felt a little like coming home.

My eyes fell onto the bed, and the envelope that had been placed onto it. I smiled, crossing the room and picking it up before plopping down onto the bed, yelping a little when I sank deeper than I had expected. I had forgotten how old Jin’s bed actually was.

I squirmed a little, trying to find a comfortable position as I tore open the envelope, revealing the next letter, beginning to read.

_Yeah, I know, I’ve forgotten how horrible this bed is. I hope you did not hurt yourself._

I laughed out loud at that.

_My fondest memory of having you in this room with me, though, was actually when you were hurt :P (And no, it was not the bed’s fault!)  
Do you remember this one time when you fell off stage during a concert, and managed to bruise your hips so badly? I don’t know why I remember it so well, either… Maybe because I had never been as scared for you as in that moment, when I saw you fall off. I could hardly concentrate on the concert anymore, and if I could have, I would have stayed at your side all throughout it. _

**The touch of your hand  
Says you’ll catch me whenever I’ll fall** __

_Which was why I was so keen on taking you home with me, after your check-through in the hospital. I still remember how your Mum glared at me, when I proposed it, but you could sense that I was clingy and in the end, you talked her into it._  
 _You are always like that. You were hurt, and still, you were watching out for my silly moods. I love you for that._  
 _Also, it was one of the few times in our relationship in which you allowed me to baby you. I wish I could do that more often. Not that I wish for you being hurt, but I like taking care of you. You should allow it more often :)_

I scoffed at that. As if, Jin. If I left the responsibility to him, he would either manage to blow something up (most probably the kitchen while trying to cook), or he would manage to poison me with something he tried to feed me. I only let Jin take care of me when I was half-dead anyways, and he could not do much more harm.

_If you don’t, at least promise me to watch out for yourself. You are always working too much, Kazu. If you don’t learn to set yourself a limit, or at least learn to listen to me when I ask you to relax, this could end badly, someday, and I don’t want to lose you like that. So just promise me, okay?_

I smiled softly at his words, letting out a soft sigh. He was always worrying too much about me, I thought as I read the last sentence.

_And now, turn on the CD player._

I frowned a little at that, looking up, my eyes catching the too old, but apparently still intact device on the shelf. I got up, the bed creaking horribly at the motion, and walked over, inspecting the buttons for a moment before pressing the “Play” button once I found it.

I let my eyes fall closed at the first notes, smiling to myself as I just listened.

 _Memories consume_  
Like opening the wound  
I’m picking me apart again  
You all assume  
I’m safe here in my room  
Unless I try to start again

I felt a shower of emotion running through me as I listened to the CD I had given Jin on his 18th birthday, and the song that had somehow become _ours_. Whenever I listened to that song, my thoughts would eventually travel to Jin.

“ _Cause inside I realize that I’m the one confused_ ” I sang along quietly, still remembering the lyrics, in spite of my bad English. Jin had translated them for me once, and back then, they had fit our teenagers days, even if now, they did not quite anymore.

 _I don’t know what’s worth fighting for_  
Or why I have to scream.  
I don’t know why I instigate  
And say what I don’t mean.  
I don’t know how I got this way  
I know it’s not alright.  
So I’m breaking the habit,  
I’m breaking the habit  
Tonight

No, we were not the confused teenagers anymore that had thought no one in the world understood us and our dreams. We were settled adults now. A lot had changed, but two things had not – the way this song touched me, and the way I felt for Jin.

**You say it best  
When you say nothing at all**

I opened my eyes again, and my gaze fell onto the CD cover next to the CD player. A note was hefted to it.

 _“Drive to the place where we took the next step”,_ it read.

As the music continued to play in the background, I pondered, wondering if he really meant what I _thought_ he meant with the “next step”. But after all, it was Jin. He was undoubtedly a pervert, and the nice choice of words was probably only due to the possibility of his Mum reading this.

I sighed, turning the music off and grabbing the letter, stuffing it into the pocket of my jacket along with the other letters before I took off again, towards Jin’s flat.

***

_… That was KAT-TUN. For everyone who missed it, they will be releasing their new single “Keep the faith” on November 21 st. It’s the second single since Akanishi Jin’s return from America, and also the soundtrack for his current drama “Yukan Club”. Seems like, after all these rumors about a breakup of the band-“_

I rolled my eyes and changed the radio station. It’s been 6 months since Jin returned to the band, and still, all people were talking about was this stupid break he took, and the tension in the band.

**All day long I can hear  
People talking out loud**

The tension was there, no questioning that. Koki was still refusing to look at Jin properly, but that was more due to his loyalty to me than to a possible breakup of the band. Koki was only scared that Jin would hurt me again, like he had when he had left and we had broken up. I knew that this would not happen again, but still, I could not blame him for being skeptic. It was only that I knew better.

I parked the car in the parking lot in front of Jin’s apartment complex when I arrived, rummaging through the glove department for my key. I did not use it often, since the apartment only still existed out of formality reasons, so that the agency and the public would not become aware of our relationship, that was why the key was stuffed somewhere in the back.

When I finally found it, I made my way upstairs.

The apartment was a mess. Well, it was no surprise, seeing that Jin owned it. But additionally to that, it was also stuffy, since Jin only came here about once a week to check his post, and it had not been ventilated in a while. So the first thing I did after kicking off my shoes was going for the windows, opening them.

When I was satisfied that I would not suffocate in here, I searched for the next letter.

I found it, obviously, in the bedroom. I should have known – of course he had been talking about the sex.

I sat down with an exasperated sigh, tearing open the envelope to reach the letter, beginning to read as soon as I had unfolded it.

_Okay, before you call me a pervert again, you have to admit that this is an important memory for us! I’m only being romantic here, you jerk!_

I had to laugh at that, remembering the time.

It had happened the day Jin had moved into this apartment. His parents and Reio had all helped bringing the stuff over here and setting up the furniture, but had left us alone to unpack.

When we had been done with that, Jin had asked me to stay over, to let him spend his first night in his new apartment with me. I had agreed, if only hesitantly, because I had known what it would mean if I stayed.

Jin and I had been together for a few months, at that point, and had always been dancing around the subject of sexual intimacy. It had been a new territory for both of us – for Jin, since he had only been with girls until then, and for me, well, since I had had no experiences at all.

We had spent a great deal of our time together making out passionately, sure, and the fact that our desire for each other grew day by day had been undeniable, so it was bound to happen. And apparently, that very night, Jin had decided it was the right time to get over the fact that I was a guy and just get me laid.

Jin had been clumsy and impatient. I had been shy and awkward. I had been so sure that it would end in a catastrophe, when Jin had started to kiss me hungrily and suggested that we’d move this to his bedroom.

Luckily, it did turn out alright, though. More than alright, even. After Jin had over-motivatedly pushed me onto the bed, resulting in me hitting my head on the headboard, he had actually slowed down, becoming more careful, and strangely enough, his worry had encouraged me.

I had felt treasured by Jin’s gentleness; by the way he had tried to pour all his feelings for me into every kiss, and every touch. And even if we had been inexperienced and unskilled, the emotions in it had made it so special that until now, I still remembered that night fondly.

**But when you hold me near  
You drown out the crowd**

_You know that we’ve had a lot of sex since then,_ the letter continued, and I had to try hard not to roll my eyes, but to read on. _But this night was somehow special. I mean, not that our sex is not awesome now, either, what I meant is, you know – it was our first time, right? It is supposed to be special._

I had to laugh out loud, unable to read on. I could literally see Jin fumbling with the words in front of me, blushing, and snapping at me for laughing.

_Sometimes, I still dream of that night. The way you trembled from nervousness. The way you blushed in embarrassment. Those are precious moments to me, because they are things that have changed about you. They are things that no one will ever experience from you again, and I’m proud to be the only one remembering them. Does that sound weird and creepy? Damn, until now, everything had been going so well -_-*_

“It _does_ sound creepy” I murmured to myself, grinning. “ _You_ are creepy, Jin. Be glad I like that about you!”

_Well, I hope that you won’t ban me from ever having sex with you again, now, and instead follow my instructions till the end. You have to give me some credit for the thought I put into this ;)_

I chuckled, silently agreeing. Jin was not always the best when it came to plans and expressions of feelings, or everything that came to thinking and talking. This, from his side, was something special, and I’d have to lie if I said that I didn’t enjoy it.

_Actually, I have a theory – the only reason that I’m talking nonsense is because of this apartment. You know I belong with you, and not here. So this is where our last hint takes us – back to where we belong._

“You are kidding me, right?” I groaned, stunned. He didn’t really chase me around town all afternoon just to find that the goal of this whole thing lay right where I started, did he?!

“I’m over thinking the ‘banning from sex’ thing” I groaned darkly before standing up again.

***

When I arrived home again, I found that nothing had changed in the apartment since I had left it. Jin had obviously not returned yet.

I checked the living room first, not finding the letter there. So I opted for the bedroom next – and bingo. A letter and a little box had been placed onto my side of the bed, and I smiled a little before crossing the room and plopping down onto the bed, reaching for both.

I eyed the box for a moment, but decided on reading the letter first. It was slightly longer than the others, I realized shortly before I started reading.

_First, thank you for continuing, after my failed last letter. I’m sorry._

I snickered at that.

_But that’s only a token on the amount of things I’m sorry about, Kazuya, and it is time that I say it once more, because I’m not sure if I really did say it properly even once._

I gulped slightly, knowing where these lines were heading to. To the darkest chapter of our relationship. I brazed myself for it.

_I’m sorry for everything you had to go through in the last year, Kazuya. My leaving for the US was egoistic, and I did not once stop to think about how you would feel. I had just thought that you would agree, and that it was no big deal. It wasn’t until we had that huge fight the night before I announced my leaving, that I realized that you’d indeed had a problem with it._

_I’m too stubborn sometimes, and I hate myself for that. You being against it made me see black, which was why I wanted to go even more. The words about a breakup just slipped my mouth, and from the moment that I arrived in the US, there was not a minute that I did not regret them._

_It feels like you’ve been with me for as long as I can remember, Kazuya. Without you, I felt lost, suddenly. It’s something I should have realized from the very first minute – that no matter how far I went, I would always come crawling back to you, in the end._

_I still don’t know how you forgave me after I returned. If I had been you, I’d have let me beg you for weeks, but you just took me back, once I had gotten around to apologizing. Nobody could understand it, not the guys from the band, nor anyone else._

**Try as they may  
They can never define**

_But that’s just the way you are, Kazuya – you don’t hold grudges, and if you are sure of your feelings, you just follow them, without a doubt. I really admire you for that._

_I made a lot of mistakes, Kazuya. I am clumsy and stubborn and sometimes insensitive. I can’t really express myself, and sometimes, I am so egoistic that I can’t stand myself. And still, in spite of that, you love me, and you stayed with me all throughout these years, and I can’t even begin to explain how much that means to me._

I gulped against the lump in my throat, taking a deep breath as I read on.

_You are the most important thing to me, Kazu. I should be telling you this every day, show it to you every minute of every day, but I’m crap at that, and you know it. But please, no matter how silly I become – never leave me again. I need you. The months without you were horrible, and I never want to go through this again._

_I love you, Kazuya, and I hope that every time you look at this ring, you will feel exactly how much._

_Yours forever,_

_Jin_

I blinked, freezing, my eyes redirecting to the little box in my lap.

“Ring?” I repeated dumbly, slightly breathless.

Slowly, I lowered the letter, reaching out for the box again. My fingers were shaking as I opened it, and indeed, a silver band was being revealed. It had a thin line of diamonds at the edge (I sincerely hoped that they were not real, because if they were, I did not even want to imagine its price), but was still decent enough to count as male jewelry. Hesitantly, I lifted it, observing it more closely, only to find an engraving on the inside.

 _Kamenashi Kazuya & Akanishi Jin 08.11.1998, _it read.

**What’s been said  
Between your heart and mine**

I found it hard to breathe, suddenly. I just kept staring at the ring, hearing my heart pounding in my ears.

It was then, that I heard the front door open. I looked up, still stunned, unable to move, and I waited until Jin appeared in the doorframe to the bedroom, smiling at me softly.

“Hey” he said quietly. “I’m sorry that I’m late.”

I did not know what to answer. I just stared at him, the ring still in my hand.

Jin did not wait for an answer; he just crossed the room until he was right in front of me, lowering himself onto his knees to look into my eyes.

He took the ring out of my hand gently, smiling slightly as he reached for my left hand.

“You’re supposed to wear it, idiot, not stare at it” he teased gently before finding my ring finger, slowly slipping the ring into place. It was a perfect fit.

I stared at the ring for another moment before catching his eyes again.

“Happy anniversary, Kazuya” Jin whispered.

It was then that I put my hand on his cheeks and kissed him, just so that I would not become a blabbering emotional loser in front of him. Jin smiled into the kiss. I think he knew.

**The smile on your face  
Let’s me know that you need me**

My hands moved from his face over his shoulders to his sides, and I impatiently pulled him up, letting myself fall backwards onto the bed, taking him along, our kiss never breaking. Jin, though hovering above me now, let me dominate the kiss – let my tongue battle and chase his into his own mouth, let my hands slip under his shirt, squeezing desperately, eager to touch as much as possible as quickly as possible.

It was not often that Jin let me take control, and usually, I enjoyed it a lot when he did, but today, I was not in the mood for that. I wanted to feel him respond, to just _feel him,_ and so I rolled us over in frustration.

Jin was breathless, when I left his mouth to kiss down his neck, going straight for the collarbones.

“Enough corny words for today?” Jin enquired in a whisper before he whimpered as I had reached my aim.

A long lick had to suffice as an answer. Jin’s hands clawed themselves into my back, and I was delighted about the response I got.

I unbuttoned his shirt with shaky and impatient fingers. Jin looked up at me with eyes that were darkened with lust, and at the same time, shining with some kind of adoration that made my chest tighten and my fingers tremble even harder.

“I love you” Jin repeated, and I took a shaky breath.

“I thought it was enough with the corny words” I reminded him, my voice tight.

“Once the dam is broken, it’s hard to stop” Jin chuckled, smiling apologetically. “Besides, didn’t I say that I should tell you more often?”

**There’s a truth in your eyes  
Saying you’ll never leave me**

“If you tell me any more right now, I will start to cry before we can do anything” I admitted, my eyes focusing on the last button in my hand.

For a moment, Jin looked like he was thinking about accepting the challenge, but then I leaned down to lick over his chest, and the thought was forgotten.

The rest of the clothes were gone faster than I would have thought possible. But then, again, it was us. Even if it had sounded kinky from Jin earlier, but we _did_ have a lot of sex, alas, a lot of practice.

I did not waste much time – as soon as the last piece of cloth was out of the way, I straddled Jin, beginning to position myself.

Jin needed a moment to realize what was happening, right before it was happening.

“Wha – wait, Kazu, I haven’t-“

“I don’t care” I murmured, beginning to sit back. “I want to feel you, now. I can take it-“

“NO!” Jin said suddenly, firmer than I had expected, and suddenly, he had sat up, his hands on my waist, holding me in place.

I looked up, about to say something, but Jin cut me off.

“I’m not 18 and inexperienced anymore. I know how to not hurt you, and I will certainly not do it, no matter how impatient you are!”

**The touch of your hand  
Says you’ll catch me whenever I fall**

Before I could protest, he had already covered my mouth with his. With a low moan, I let him indulge me into the kiss. At least now, Jin was fighting back for control.

After a while, Jin pulled back, and I opened my eyes as his fingers traced my lips softly.

“If you’re that impatient, help me” Jin murmured, raising his eyebrows, and I had to smirk before I complied. I teasingly licked the tip of his pointer finger before going down on it, licking around it, wetting it with my saliva. My eyes were fixed on Jin’s, and Jin’s eyes darkened a little in lust.

“You know exactly what you’re doing with this, right?” Jin murmured, and I only chuckled before I moved my lips back to his.

Then, I felt the slick finger at my entrance, and I almost sighed into the kiss in relief.

Jin prepared me quickly and efficiently, knowing just how to touch me to make me open up faster. When I whimpered pleadingly against his lips, he finally removed his hand, and I felt his head poking my entrance. I held onto his shoulder for support.

“Okay, now” Jin breathed, and I obliged happily, sitting back slowly. Both of us moaned as Jin started to enter me. Jin’s hand flew back to my waist, holding onto me tightly until he was in to the tilt. I took a shaky breath before attaching my mouth back to his and beginning to move.

Jin never let go of my waist, helping me keep my balance as I moved up and down on him. The position allowed my erection to brush against Jin’s soft stomach with every movement, and I moaned as Jin lifted his hips a little to meet my thrusts halfway, hitting my prostrate in the process.

We moved together perfectly, like we always did, and soon, I felt unbearably high again. In my daze, I lifted my hand to his face, caressing his cheek. Jin turned his head a little to kiss the palm, lingering on the ring on my finger.

“I love you” he whispered again, and I moaned, fastening the hand in his soft hair.

“I love you too” I breathed.

Jin’s fingers on my waist tightened, and his hips thrust up faster to meet mine, hitting me just right. It took only a few more strokes of that before I saw white.

As I became aware of my surroundings again, Jin had fallen back against the matrices, holding me against his chest. I could hear his heartbeat calm down slightly.

“I love you” Jin whispered again.

I smiled, teasing: “You already said that.”

“You are so unromantic, Kazuya” Jin scoffed, but I could hear the smile in his voice.

“And you are corny” I chuckled. Jin only ‘tsk’ed in response.

We fell silent again, and I listened to his steady heartbeat, letting it lull me into sleep. I barely realized as Jin moved further onto the bed with me, draping the blanket over our bodies; I was already half asleep.

**You say it best  
When you say nothing at all**

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted: http://vflmaeuschen.blog.com/2012/08/02/one-shot-when-you-say-nothing-at-all/


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